Dear God,
I always seem to be able to convey my emotions better when I write. When I was little if I was really mad at my mom I would write her a letter and put it on her dresser. When something is bothering me with a friend I write them a letter, If people made me angry in the past I would Blog, and now here I am writing a letter to you. I guess in my mind writing you a letter is my way of making you more real to me. I mean I know your real, and I always have. It's just that this seems like a better outlet for me than saying a prayer. I hope you do not mind. After all I am saying all this in my head as I type you this letter so it is like praying, right? Ehhh, I really hope so atleast.
God, I don't know if I will publish this or any other letter I write to you. After all prayer is a personal thing. I have talked to a couple of friends about it since I do blog on a regular basis. The thought behind letting others read what I send to you is that other people can read what I struggle with and know they are not the only ones dealing with similar situations. I don't know maybe it is more me hoping that this will help me to connect with people who share a love of you, and also struggle with there Faith.
I know you only give me what I can handle, sometimes I question your faith in my ability to handle so much sometimes. Sometimes you put alot on people. I know my mom has gone through sooo much. Why is it that you put so much on such a good person. I know she is strong, and clearly so do you, But why give some people so much and other so little to deal with? I know that like my mom, I have survived all that you trusted me to handle, but man sometimes you make it where I have so much to deal with I think I start to loose my sanity.
Is the "God only gives you what you can handle" thing a test? I am being serious. You know it's kinda like when we pray for patience we don't just magically wake up more patient the next morning. Nope, God when we pray for you to make us more patient you put us in the middle of traffic. Why do you do that God?? I mean wouldn't it be easier and maybe easier for you if you just make us more patient in our sleep? You put us in traffic, we get mad, and then we do and say some things that you tend to frown on. As a result we find ourselves in prayer asking for you to forgive our words and in some cases actions.
I guess that is why you are God. The Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I don't really understand why you do what you do or the timing of when you do things. But I guess you know and that should be good enough for me. I just wish that there was some way for you to write back, and maybe then I could understand you completely.
I must run for now. I will write you later.
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Wow!
ReplyDeleteYou are so good at putting into words what the rest of us are always thinking, thank you.
As for the praying for patience thing... yeah, unless you want to sit in traffic the rest of your life, I would stop praying for that.
Isn't it funny how God always gives you the test FIRST, then He reiterates by giving you the lesson afterward? I am one of those people that has to learn everything the hard way. That may be shocking to almost anyone who thought they knew me in HS. Yeah, that was pretty much me wearing a masking and hiding all the "crap" that was going on in my life.
Truthfully, I believe that none of us will ever fully be able to understand God or the rest of the Trinity until we reach Heaven and can ask our q's face to face. I remember there was a research article published back in the 90's talking about how we humans do not use the full 100% capacity of our brains. Whether this is truth or not, I have no idea. But I'd like to imagine that Adam and Eve were the only humans who ever had 100% capacity use of their brains for thought processing, etc. Thus my reasoning why it is so hard for us to understand God.
Right now we only know in part, but when we reach Heaven we will know fully (have full access to the rest of our hidden knowledge within our brains/ being).
I hope this has helped a little. It is something I too struggle with daily.