I am not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be. But for some reason I have a hard time staying on the straight and narrow. I can not pinpoint any single person or event that had anything in common as far as the times in my life when I have backslide. It's actually rather frustrating to be honest. The place where I feel like I am where I am supposed to be is/was at Church. Church is not 7 days a week and as much as we love Saturday night worship it does not always happen because it is just a little earlier than we need it to be to work with our schedule.
People say it's all about who you surround yourself with. Okay, I took that to heart. I have one female friend I can talk to about God. My husband has no male friends that share a faith in God, and he is so shy it's not like he will just go to a men's group at church by himself. So I asked my one female friend if she could have her boyfriend & his brother, who my husband knew, get in touch with him to pray about things. At the time we were at an all time low point. Nobody ever called him and at that point I think I lost a little Faith in people who go to church and are Christians.
Now I am not downing anyone. It just seemed like when we needed faith based friends there were none. I mean I have my one friend I talk to on the computer but what ever happened to "visitation"? Does anyone even know what that is anymore?? Maybe it's because I was raised in a small church, but visitation was our churches way of going to your house and saying hi, talking with you, and if you were missing from church saying we missed you. I miss that, maybe I need to leave the church I love so much now and go back to my roots. The worship was not as elaborate, but I knew my church cared.
I have written "notes" on Facebook or "Blogs" on Myspace about my struggle with walking with God. I have tagged and/or made sure my Christian friends knew about it or saw it. MAYBE Maaayyyybbeee one of my Christian friends would message me or post a comment. It seems like my friends who really were not active in their faith were the ones supporting me or offering advice. Maybe that has affected me and contributed to my backsliding, who knows.
Now I am not looking to blame my on again off again relationship with God on. I know I am an adult and I am responsable for my own thoughts and actions. I guess I just needed to blog this afternoon and vent. I think that people who are Christians should really give some advice when someone reaches out. Ehhh maybe I'm just in a sour mood this afternoon.
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Ash - this might sound crazy, but I've felt the same way. Actually right after Joe and I got married and I moved here to Cali, the Vineyard church we had started going to, shut down. Before leaving FL I was going to JCL group meetings at the UNF campus. I didn't really feel like I fit in anymore with my home church (there was no "real" young adult group until after I left). Anyway, so the JCL group was a mix of college students and post-college that really loved the JCL group. They did meet on Sundays at the campus, but what I loved were the mid-week meetings "home groups" if you will. We all got together, brought dinner items, had a Bible study or just talked about how our weeks were going. Depending on who's pad we were at, we might even do a bar-b-q or pool party. If you're interested in what Joe and I are doing now in Cali, we are part of a "House Church". It is the most non-church thing I have ever done, and I LOVE IT!!! Here's the link for our group: http://www.vcmn.org/
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<3 you much!
Ashley, I know how hard it is to stay on track...I feel like such a crab sometimes...I go through something and decide I need Jesus more in my life. Ill change the way I talk and change the way I look at things...AND then something happens and I get upset and backslide without even thinking twice about it. Curse words become my language yet again and Im downing everyone about everything. I forget to pray...or wait. I get lazy and decide to pray later. (which never happens) I really think that I have to scare myself back into church. I still go but I make up piss pour excuses on why I can't go to church. Pretty crappy right?
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